I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Enjoy the penises
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
