remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You need a sexual gate keeper
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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