My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
