Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
