i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
