Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
