I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
