Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
