Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
