Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Floor bacon is actually really good
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
