Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
