You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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