I got chris browned last night
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
