so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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