I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
