trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
