Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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