She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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