I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
