if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
