cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
