i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
