Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
what day is it and did you see me today?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
