Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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