Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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