Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
