im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I want to be your penis for a week.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
