he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
