dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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