Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
