If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
