Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
