so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
