The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
