hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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