Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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