he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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