I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
