My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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