Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
