awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
