Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
