He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
