dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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