So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
