walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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