So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
