i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
