So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
