another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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