I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
