I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
