My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
